“I rise before dawn and cry out for help; I have put my hope in your word. “ Psalm 119:147
And yet I find my hope wavering. I find myself questioning if we will see you move on our behalf. You have called us to be bold in faith and in our prayers – it has been a long season of bold faith and we are crying out to you. When will you answer? When will see your sovereign hand act?
I have put my hope in your word – and I wait. I’m weary, I’m tired, my hope is fading. Hear our prayers. Restore my faith, God. You are constant. You never waiver. You are always good. You are always merciful. You are always gracious. You are always just. You are always righteous. But my heart still waivers and wonders. Restore my faith, God. Move on our behalf, stand in the gap for your children.
These aren’t easy words to pray. but they’re brutally honest. And it’s how I’m feeling in this moment. Tired. Weary. Draining of hope.
Yet still I find myself clinging desperately to His promises and word, because there is nothing else to do. Because it has to be true. It just has to.
I’ve been slowly reading through the book of Psalm. And one thing that I have noticed is how often the psalmist goes from praising to mourning. From rejoicing to questioning. Declaring God’s promises one moment and then crying out for help the next. His emotions and circumstances seem to bounce all over the place. Yet through it all there is a tiny gold woven thread – God is good.
Oh, how this speaks to my tired, thirsty soul. One moment I’m strong in my faith, shouting and rejoicing his praise from the rooftops and the next I’m grasping at any glimmer of hope, crying and pleading for his mercy. Asking why God, when, and how.
Even now as I write this. My body is anxious and tired, my mind and emotions waiver with inconsistency; yet my spirit is steady because I hear the words that He gave me for his daughters ringing deep in my heart –
“Beloved, God has you.”
And even in the midst of uncertainty and fading hope, I know it’s true. He has me.
I don’t know much of anything else right now. But I know that. And so I cling to it with every fiber of my being. He has me in palm of his hand. He is holding tightly to me – my heart, my fears, my worries, my dreams, my complaints, my desires. He has my family. He has my daughter. He has my marriage. He has my finances.
He has my past. He has my present. He has my future. He is holding me. And he won’t let go because his hands are safe, secure and perfect.
Maybe you’re reading this after a tired, tear filled night wondering when relief will come. Maybe you’re in a hospital room pleading for healing. Perhaps you’ve found yourself stuck in a well of deep emotion and fear. Maybe you’re clinging on to that tiny gold thread and you’re not sure how much longer you can hold on. I just need to tell you, Beloved – God has you.
He sees you. He sees what you’re walking in. He sees what is going on around you. He hears you. He hears your cries at night, He hears your complaints and doubts. He hears your desperate prayers. He feels you. He feels the heaviness on your heart. He feels the anxiety and fear in the pit of your stomach. He feels the pains and hurts of your body. And He has you. He does not grow tired. His hope does not waiver. His promises do not run dry. He has not forgotten you. He is steady. He is good. He is merciful. He is just. He is righteous. He is healing.
He is unconditional, unwavering and unrelenting perfect love. You are his beloved, and he has you.